What She's Really Thinking While Watching Porn with Her Man

What porn is to men, Romcoms are to women. Both involve fantasy, unnaturally proportioned actors, and of course the most unlikely of outcomes. Which is why couples don't always see eye to eye when it comes to watching these dirty little flicks before a romp session.

Of course even the prudest of porn watchers can experience a little tingle downunder while watching two, or three, people getting spanked, sucked, and penetrated. I mean at the end of the day, we only have so much control over our body. Just like a girl can have an accidental orgasm during spin class, she can also be turned on by five minutes of watching terrible sex on a screen. However, just because our panties may be wet doesn't mean our mind/attention is fully in the game. Similar to what most women do with EVERYTHING, chances are her mind is full of dozens of opinions, critiques, fascination, and of course jealousy.

Curious as to how far left our minds can go? Take a look at the most popular thoughts women fessed up to.

Good God how old are they?

There is no better aphrodisiac than watching young women who are wrinkle-free, tightly-toned, and tanned, go at it, said no heterosexual 30-year-old woman ever. While I can appreciate the beauty of a female's body, I can't really get excited when that body is barely 19. Not because she has what I want, youth, but because it just feels wrong. This wasn't always the case, but now after creating, carrying, and birthing two children, I have no desire to watch a cellulite ass twerk on some guy's lap. We get it, your ass bounces like tennis ball where as ours look more like a deflating Wubble Bubble and good for your skin which lacks stretch marks, sun spots, and other weird things that come with age. With that said I find no reason to rub it in my face right before I am about to get naked and contort my body into unforgiving positions.

Is porn just for men?

I know, I know, certain adult films seem to be made just for a man's pleasure, for instance the world popular scene where the male adult actor ends the scene with a finishing shot in her eye. Ewh! Don't get discouraged though ladies because there are plenty of sites and movies that are super popular amongst us women. Curious what other women watch? Well according to in depth studies (aka a couple of random Google statistics) the most searched clips amongst women are lesbian porn, solo man, bondage, and threesomes. If your interested in indulging in some chick-friendly porn there are plenty of websites like Bright Desire, Kink.com, I Feel Myself, and XConfessions. There is also a ton of erotic photography, fantasy stories, and short sex clips on Tumblr that many women find to be the perfect porn fit. See, I can be helpful too! Just remember to erase your browser history, yeah, you're welcome.

Is it weird I am more turned on by her, than him?

Women like porn, in fact some women enjoy a good erotic film more than their partner and that is totally normal. However, so many women are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their love for porn that it is a topic rarely discussed, even after four bottles of wine with your best girlfriends. Whether you're watching other people have sex on TV, imagining it through an erotic novel, or just daydreaming about riding Channing Tatum's pony, sex is sex, and visual fantasy is one hell of a turn on and there is nothing wrong with that! So when your man is trying to cut the threesome video you picked out short and you find yourself disappointed, don't be afraid to speak up. Tell that mofo to move out of the way until the credits start rolling, because you must see how this doctor visit turned Menage a Trois ends.

Why doesn't my plumber look like that?

Many female porn watchers find themselves a bit more aware of the people and possible porn scenes that surround them. For instance doctors, plumbers, and of course the pizza boy are all popular adult film characters, so do not feel like a perv the next time you are at an OBGYN appointment and your brain goes into full doctor-patient porn fantasy. Or when you have to call a plumber to fix your clogged toilet from the kids flushing too many wipies, do not feel ashamed if while waiting for his arrival you create your own mental movie featuring you, the hottest plumber in the world, and a man who knows how to use his hands.

Who moans like that?

A good friend once told me, "the only way I am moaning that loud is if my husband starts making it rain with hundred dollar bills" and I couldn't agree more. I am no quiet chick but come on, he barely even touched you and your screaming like a banshee leaving my man to expect the same. Of course I believe couples should be vocal during sex, it's fantastic to hear your partner enjoy you physically like that, but can't our natural mmmmm, ooooooh, ahhhhhhs be sufficient? Must I scream out your name, ask you to slap me, and give you a goddamn medal? Not to mention the freaking kids are sleeping. That's a good idea, let's wake the kids with mommy screaming leaving them traumatized for life and us unable to ever shut our door again.