Top Male Turnoffs for Women

Let me just start off by saying that my intentions when starting this piece were NOT to man-bash, but rather to inform the male public of what to absolutely avoid when partaking in a relationship. However, after reaching out to my social network of super-opinionated ladies for insight, I was left with a compilation of complaints that would leave many gagging or pissing their panties with laughter! Don’t worry dudes, I see a similar list for women in the very near future. It's only fair.

While no person is perfect, there is no denying that some people lack proper etiquette and others just have really gross habits. This could be due to naivety or perhaps they just don’t give a crap, but let me tell you this, MEN, if you are looking for a relationship, are in a relationship, and want to keep that relationship, here are a few of the top male turnoffs that if guilty, you need to fix real quick.

Long Fingernails

There are very few acceptable reasons as to why a man may have long fingernails and those are: a professional cocaine scooper, envelope opener, or a straight up pimp. Other than that, I see no satisfactory motive for the extra length. Not only are you putting us women at risk for internal injury, but how about the filth and bacteria that most likely lives under there? I am willing to bet if you’re too lazy to cut your nails, you’re too lazy to wash your hands.

Bad Breath

Oh man, this has happened to me more than I’d like to admit. The guy that looks good from afar but smells like shit up close. Like did you literally just mouthwash with curry, garlic, and I don’t know, poop? Brush your teeth fellas and floss while you’re at it, and is it really that hard to bring along some gum or mints? Smarten up.

Body Odor

Listen, I love a rugged dude as much as the next chick, but when that grungy bad boy exterior is accompanied with the worst case of BO, all internal lady boners die quickly. Women will immediately think, “If his armpits smell that bad what must every other area smell like?” OMG, I just threw up a little bit. Same rules apply as above. Wash yo’ self, use deodorant, and splash on a little cologne for good measure. Women LOVE cologne.

Rough Hands

Unless your chick is made out of wood, what woman in their right mind wants 2 pieces of sandpaper feeling her up? I am not talking about drummer callouses, I am talking about “hasn’t seen lotion in 20 years” kind of hands. I know the roughness is sometimes unavoidable due to certain jobs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t invest in a good lotion, a pair of gloves, and maybe even a manicure now and then.

Too Hairy

Unless you live in Alaska and need to wear a sweater 365 days a year, SHAVE YOUR BACK! A little hair upfront isn’t all that bad, but keep it trimmed and in shape and not bulging from your v-neck. I mean seriously do you go home and comb your chest out for dropped food and wind struck flies? And of course, let us not forget downstairs. I don’t want to go into too much detail but if your package looks like it's been kidnapped by Cousin Itt with a perm, then you, my hairy friend, have a problem. Manscape my dudes, it’s really not that hard.

Sexual Turnoffs

The bad kisser, whether it be too much tongue, too little, too wet, or the guy who likes to lick your face, one bad kiss can destroy everything. I don’t know how to fix this for you other than suggesting Google or asking Siri or Alexa for some step by step instructions.

Next, we have the Jack Hammerer. I know we all need a quickie now and then and speed is of the essence but that doesn’t mean the man needs to drill his lady like he is in a race to drill through the inner core of the earth. This Jack is usually also known as the OMM (one-minute man); sorry dude, nicknames are not in your favor.

The super dirty talker was also mentioned quite a bit. A lot of women love dialogue in the bedroom, even some dirtier than you would think, but once you start insulting your partner with words like whore or asking permission to call her Mommy, or even worst explicitly detailing where and how you want to “finish,” well then you have gone too far. Try joining an online group for that, I am sure there is some kind of app to find your foul-mouthed soul whore, I mean soul mate.