The Dark and Light of Male Sexuality

When I looked up male sexuality on Google, what did I get? Absolutely nothing but article after article about sexual abuse, harassment, toxic masculinity, and generally just negative press about how men just can't seem to keep their hands or penises to themselves.

I could not find ONE positive article on male sexuality or discussing male sexuality as anything but a huge problem in our society. What the heck is up with this?? Is this the only way male sexuality is seen in our society? As a negative force that oppresses and harms? Apparently, male sexuality is just plain... bad. There is nothing good about it. At least that's what I ended up feeling after doing that search.

There was absolutely no nuance. There was no discussion of more sensitive men and their desires to have enjoyable sexual experiences without hurting anyone. There was no discussion of the positives that can be found in male sexuality. There wasn't even open discussion about how men feel about sex, their desires or needs, the pleasure they both like to give and receive. There was no healthy discussion about male sexuality, only warnings and anger over the darker side of male sexuality.

How do we get positive stories out there? How do we get the stories of men who have healthy fantasies, who want to please their partners, who treat their partners with respect and decency and care about how they feel into the public sphere to counter all the horror stories that dominate? And the situation only seems to be getting worse as each and every day, more accusations of bad behavior by people in Hollywood and Washington grab the headlines.

Where are the stories about happy people engaged in positive, mutually beneficial sexual encounters? Believe it or not, they actually exist. There are men who respect women and are able to have great sexual relations with them. Men can actually please women, not just harm them. There are men that know where the clitoris is and know how to stimulate it in order to bring their partner to orgasm. There are men out there who are able to touch and manipulate the nipples in breasts in a way that feels good. There are men out there who can deliver what their partner wants without crossing red lines. There are men who use respectful language when discussing their sexual desires and the partners they are with. There are good men who are actually quite good at sex! They exist, people, they exist.

It is terrible that there women being sexually abused. And it's also terrible that there are men out there who are being sexually abused. Nothing can take away from that reality. It needs to be addressed and stopped. Rape, sexual harassment, and sexual abuse are not acceptable forms of sexual expression. They cause serious harm to real people and the affects can be long lasting and devastating.

On the flipside, an excellent sexual experience with a good person can stick with a person for their lifetime as well. A great experience is something that a person can constantly go back to in their fantasies, be turned on by and leave a person feeling positive about both themselves and sex. Better yet, being with a great sexual partner long term can produce wonderful experiences time and time again and really boost people's quality of life. Let's focus on that a bit more, shall we? Let's not forget that millions upon millions of people out there that do have positive experiences with sex. Let's remember and even celebrate the fact that there are no shortage of men who can offer something great when it comes to sex. It isn't just doom and gloom. It isn't just abuse. It isn't all horrible. There is good in male sexuality as well.