Sex and Candy

I've written before about my relationship. It is a beautiful one, but, as I mentioned in that article, there was work that led up to what we have now... Some of that was some good ol' fashioned random sex, no strings attached.

Times have changed and at least that's a good thing, but as women, we are still given the side eye about being open and comfortable with our sexuality. I have a friend who... let's say "knows" a guy. They like to play. She thought that it would be more than playtime and he informed her that it wouldn't. She thought she would be more upset about it, but wasn't. After thinking over the whole situation for a minute, she realized that she still liked the games they played together. She was talking to me about it the other day and looked like she felt a little guilty about it. I told her to go forward. Why feel guilty if it feels good? You like it. He likes it. You can bounce when you're done and not have a second thought about it. In the end everyone is happy.

I myself have had such experiences. The first time was after I had been dumped by my first. He wasn't that great to begin with and I already knew that, but I was 17 and was and am still a bit of an introvert, so it was what it was, but then one day I got mad. First off, he'd broken up with me over the phone because (I finally fished it out of him) he'd knocked some chick up with his first child. He said that he thought we should see other people and shy, quiet, reserved me asked "Who are you fucking?" Stunned by my reaction, he said "What?" and I repeated "Who. Are. You. Fucking?" I never got a straight answer out of him. It didn't matter because after I got off the phone with him, I thought I would be upset. I thought that there would be tears and a lot of listening to Alanis Morissette, but nope. There was just me mushing my face up, waiting for the tears, and there were none. A little stunned and slightly amused, I straightened up and decided that day that I would treat guys like they treated me. I would fuck who I wanted when I wanted and when I got bored, I'd go find fun elsewhere. I was sort of a teenage Nola Darling (from Spike Lee's "She's Gotta Have It") minus the drama. Drama did ensue, but I cut that shit short early. This actually didn't last that long, but it did happen. It happened for about eight months. The guys were great! None of them were the same. It wasn't like it was a large number or anything... like four, and they were all good for different things. One was funny and cooked. One was just realllllllly good sex. One was only okay, but he was so sweet, I felt bad about considering leaving him hanging. Eventually, it led to my ex and he was okay. The best thing I got from him was my husband. That fool introduced me to my husband! Once I met my husband and we became intimate, everything changed. I didn't want to play anymore and that was fine. He wanted only me and I only wanted him. This is not the case for everyone and random sex is no longer just a man's game to play.

Guys crumble under sex. One guy I had showed up at one of my classes crying because he hadn't seen me in a while. He claimed that he was "soooooooooooooooo worried." He wasn't really... Maybe he was, but in the end it was a possession thing. No, no bro, you don't own me! It took a minute, but I also had to let my playmates know that, too. You can play. I can play. You don't choose who I play with and when. It was fun while it lasted, and then it wasn't so fun, and then I settled down and it was onto other adventures. Exclusive ones that did involve love and commitment. I think all women should take the time to do this. Random sex, or even dating yourself, which is amazing, helps you figure things out. With random sex, I figured out what type of guy I could tolerate, and which ones to just run in the other direction from when I saw them coming. With dating myself, I discovered my own body and what I like. I also loved the independence that came with dating myself. I paid to get my hair done. I made sure my manicures were on point. I took myself out to eat wherever the hell I wanted. I pleasured myself and felt no qualms about it because I could do it like no one else could because this was me pleasuring me. Rules are to be broken, especially when it comes to finding contentment with who you are.