How to Talk to Your Girlfriend About Threesomes

Ah, the threesome. It's one of those sex acts that is often talked about, and rarely done in real life. Most guys assume that threesomes are something that are totally off the table when they're in a relationship, but that's not necessarily the case.

Depending on who you're dating, it's possible that your partner may be down for a threesome, foursome, or moresome. In fact, the girl your dating may even be fantasizing about it!

If you're like most guys, you would want to start something pronto if you felt you had the possibility of it happening. However, you won't be able to start something up unless you learn how to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes. Here's how to do it, without getting dumped.

Do your homework.

You should have the basic gist of how to have a threesome before you broach the subject. This includes things like threesome sex positions, the different kinds of threesomes you can have, as well as CONSENT.

What you may find is that a threesome really isn't something you want to risk. Or, you may find that it's something you want to pursue. Either way, it's wise to learn about what you should expect as the "end product" before you talk to your girlfriend about threesomes.

Approach the subject at the right time.

There is a time and a place to talk about taking your sex life to a new level. This is something a lot of guys have a hard time understanding—and this is exactly where most guys blow it.

Trying to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes within a couple of months of dating will not bode well. She'll think that you just want to use her for sex. Similarly, talking to her about it when she reveals she's bi will probably result in getting dumped.

A better way to do it would be when you're both relaxed, alone, and really just enjoying one another's company.

Many people who have successfully gotten threesomes often started off with smaller kinds of kink first.

So, if you want to explore other things, doing so may help her be more receptive to it. Things like light bondage, roleplay, and spanking can all help open the door and show girls who are new to kinky stuff that it's all good.

This also would allow you to frame a threesome as an act of sexual exploration, rather than a thing that you want to do as a bragging right. Trust me when I say that's important when you're trying to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes.

Ask her if she's been interested in exploring new kinks, and gauge if she would be okay with it.

Find out if she's been curious, what she's into, and start slowly poking around the subject. Tell her you definitely are into exploring new realms with her, and that you want to share new experiences with her.

Don't be discouraged if you hear she's never done kinky stuff before. Remember—every veteran of group sex had their first threesome at one point or another. Just because she hasn't had one yet, doesn't mean she's unwilling to have one with you.

Make a threesome sound like the best thing since sliced pie.

Threesomes are pretty intense. There will be a huge chance of emotions getting wonky, or jealousy. The important thing that you should do when you want to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes is to hype them. You want to alleviate the fears she may have about them, not exacerbate it.

Talk about how great it'll be to let her explore. Tell her how it'll be a new experience, how it'll bond both of you. Explain that it's because she's so hot, you want to share her with the world.

That being said, part of knowing how to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes is doing this tactfully. This kind of hyping deserves a light touch, otherwise, she'll get worried that you're more into other girls than her.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to force the subject.

Nothing is more unattractive than a man who keeps badgering his girlfriend about a sex act she doesn't want to do. Forcing the subject will only end up making her feel less comfortable around you, or worse, make her feel like that's all you care about.

I've personally witnessed this happen to people I knew, and it ended with the guy threatening to "find some girls who would" let him have a threesome. I ended up having to pull my friend away from him, tell her he's sexually abusing her, and then had to support her after she dumped him. This was not fun, and any respect I had for that guy was trashed.

Trying to blackmail, badger, or guilt a girl into a threesome is a form of sexual abuse. In fact, it's sexual coersion—and in plain English, that's rape. It's not really consent if she basically feels forced into it, and great sex is all about keeping things safe, sane, and consensual.

If she tells you, clearly, that she's not comfortable with a threesome, DROP THE SUBJECT. Do not whine. Do not wheedle. If you care more about having a threesome than having a girlfriend, then it's best to just dump her.

Ask her about her limits if she's curious or interested, then abide by them.

Every girl will have different limits about threesomes. With some, they will not be alright with it, regardless of what you offer. This is okay—just don't have a threesome, then.

Some girls would be alright with two men, but not two women. Some girls will be okay with another girl giving you oral sex, but not penetration. Other girls will only even consider a threeway if they can choose the other girl.

It's at this point that I'm going to suggest being open to a MMF threesome as well as an FFM threesome. It's definitely an experience, and it may help sway her when it comes to including a second girl in the bedroom too.

If your limits or boundaries don't match up, you shouldn't have a threesome. Trying to continue down that path will most likely lead to having to research how to do damage control after a botched threesome.

This is also the time when you establish a "safe word."

If you want to go forward with it, you need to act like finding a third is a team project—because it is.

Part of being able to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes is being able to work with her to find an adequate third. Empower her, and start asking her opinion on potential "unicorns" you find on 3nder or other such venues.

The more she gets comfortable talking about potential partners with you, the better she'll feel during the threesome. Make a point of letting her know she has veto power—and that she matters more than the unicorn.

Don't get greedy.

A lot of guys assume that threesomes automatically mean that they can make sex all about themselves when the time comes. Or, worse, they assume that a girl who's open to threesomes signals that it's "time to brag" about other girls they bedded.

I'm not even going to broach the issue of guys who promise everything, then go back on their word during the threesome. (Yes, there are guys who lie about respecting boundaries and limits, who are then shocked when they find out they're dumped.)

Having a threesome can have SERIOUS, long-lasting implications on your relationship. Even veteran threesome fans can have a botched threesome that wrecks relationships.

The best way to ensure you can both talk to your girlfriend about threesomes and have threesomes happily with her is to avoid being greedy and to keep an eye on your partner's reactions. If they don't look comfortable, stop and ask them if they're okay.

Above all, when you decide to talk to your girlfriend about threesomes, remember that she comes first.

Most women will not want to go into a threesome without knowing that they are the priority. So, make a point to make her a priority and let her choose what's going on every step of the way.