5 Reasons She's a Virgin in Her 20s

Let's start off like this.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin in your 20s!

Adult virgins are tired of being called PRUDE for not having sex at a certain age or following the social clock in general. They are also tired of being portrayed as shy, helplessly innocent women awaiting the dominium of a man (eww! misogynistic much?). If I had a dime for every single time I heard, "You don't look like a virgin" or "You didn't tell me you were a virgin!" I could... realistically buy me a bottle of whiskey (I ain't got a lot of friends). It's very ironic to me because as women, if we have sex at an early age, we are slut shamed, if we have sex at a later age, we are prude and "unskilled" in the act. If you haven't had sexual intercourse in your 20s, 30s or older, that is completely fine and normal. Fuck the virgin shamers!

Besides, virginity is a debatable idea construct assigned to the hymen (the tissue that socially "qualifies" you as a virgin) of a woman. The concept of virginity is used to control women and their thoughts about themselves (body and all) especially in more conservative nations in the global south.

Watch the video below for a better explanation of the relationship between virginity and the hymen.

Anyway... back to the matter.

I just thought that it would be nice to tell virgin-shamers (that's what I'm calling them) 5 popular reasons some women in their 20s are still virgins.

1) She hasn't found the one.

Plain and simple. She just hasn't found anyone worth it, she hasn't found the one that makes her want to get down and get it on. To some women, virginity is a very special and an authentic way to show love to your partner. That's why some women wait until they marry their soulmate to have sex (or they are just religious zealots but whatever). She may be real picky about the guy (or girl) she wants to give her virginity to or she has not found that "spark" in her relationship partners to have sexual intercourse with them. Sometimes, what really matters is finding someone who loves her and who will appreciate that her virginity is special to her. If you are not the one, she ain't giving you none. And you will respect her either way.

2) She may be asexual.

Do you know that when most people in the media or everyday life say LGBTQ, they almost always forget the I and the A? So it's actually LGBTQIA? Don't act like you knew that shit, I see you boo. Anyway (let's focus on the A), a lot of people who remember the A often think that it stands for Allies (lies they tell!) but it doesn't. The A in LGBTQIA stands for asexual (a person who has no sexual feelings or desires), a group in the community that is almost never mentioned in media or everyday life. Maybe... I don't know, she's still a virgin because she's asexual? OMG!!! who would have thought?! She doesn't want to have sex because she is not interested in having sex like sexual people are. Being asexual is more common than you think and we as a society need to respect her asexuality.

3) She may be on birth control—Not pills, abstinence.

Let'sbe completely honest, most people do not think of abstinence as a form of birth control, but in fact, it is the most effective birth control you can think of. Even though birth control pills and IUDs have a great likelihood of preventing pregnancy (92% AND 99% respectively), there is still margin for failure. Abstinence can guarantee virtually a 100% chance of not having a baby, because no sex = no fertilized ovum (Jane the Virgin does not count!). She may still be a virgin because she chose abstinence as her form of birth control. Considering the financial problems and frustrating access to reproductive health care female millennials' face in today's society, the last thing she wants to have is a child. Abstinence is a completely normal form of birth control and she is not crazy just because she chose not to have sex. Maybe when she's ready for a baby, she will have sex. Either way, her and her choice of birth control will be respected.

4) She may want to prevent STDs.

Another effective thing about abstinence/still being a virgin is that it prevents a whole lot of STDs. Ok, fine, not every STD can be prevented by not having sexual intercourse (if you count felatio), but it does a good job at preventing them most of the time. What's better? Consistent and complete abstinence protects from STDs and prevents pregnancy (2 birds with one stone baby!). If she does have an STD and is a virgin (yes it's possible), she may not want to spread the STD to her partners (#Communityservice, #ThankyouMam). To some of us, being a virgin for fear of STDs may seem like a crazy idea but it is a legitimate fear. Recently, research found out that Gonorrhea is becoming more and more resistant to antibiotics (watch this link from The Young Turks here). If STDs are becoming more and more resistant to medication that is already available in the, it's normal that she may prefer not to engage in any sexual act at all to prevent them (#Shewillberespected).

5) She may be an introvert.

Women, just like any other human beings, can be both extroverted or introverted. She simply may be introverted as a person and is not accustomed to consistent interacting with people sexually. As an introvert, she does not readily reveal her thoughts or feelings about sex and that is completely fine. I refrain from using the word "shy" because even if she looks or acts shy, doesn't mean she is a virgin. Also, just because she is not shy or looks extroverted, does not mean she is not a virgin. In other words, there is no such thing as a "virgin look." Many times, women who wear makeup or/and revealing clothing are often slut shamed and assumed non-virgins. The reality is that you cannot tell whether a young woman is a virgin or not just based on her looks. In fact, you should never ever under no condition judge a woman based on her looks or the way she is dressed. Females, not just virgins in their 20s, but in general must and will be respected!

I'm out,

xoxo